A Man’s Guide to Self Grace

No matter who you are if you are trying anything out for the first time, you are going to fail somewhere along the line. That holds true for seasoned professionals as well. You have to keep on working toward that goal and the same goes for just wanting to be a better person, period. We have to be able to give ourselves some grace in everything that we do. 

What is “self-grace”

Self-grace is giving yourself space to breathe, to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and to learn along the way. It’s the intentional step of self-forgiveness with the purpose of becoming a better person along the way. 

It’s really easy for that voice in our head to come creeping up to tell us that we did something wrong, or remind us we did, and eventually it overpowers our motivations and desires toward personal goals or any assortment of enriching activities that we would like to take part in because that voice has been there to point out our failures, missteps, past mistakes, and highlight our disabilities, faults, or quirks.

This voice can be protective but when we let it get crazy we start holding things against ourselves. It reminds me of this old vine that says “and just remember, no one will ever be able to hate you more than you already hate yourself” as she ends in a satirical cry. Self-grace starts with acknowledging the misstep, error, fault, etc. and telling yourself that it’s okay, that you are going to keep on working at whatever it is you want. This also helps when trying new things because after getting in the habit of forgiving yourself, you realize you can try something new and will be able to forgive yourself if it doesn’t go as planned. 

Forgive yourself, you’re human, you will make mistakes, what makes you great is learning from them but not letting them hold you back. 

When to give yourself grace

Well, despite how I laid this all out already, self-grace is important at any point in time. It’s learning how to make it productive that might be the better question. Self-grace can be helpful when we know we need to do the laundry but we did everything else but the laundry (literal example from this current moment writing this… oops). I acknowledge this and instead of brushing it under the rug, I will make sure that the laundry gets done tomorrow; afterall, I cleaned up the bathroom, the kitchen, swept the front stairs and wrote a blog post today so now I have some extra time tomorrow. You see, it isn’t self-grace if we look at a mixup and refuse to hold ourselves accountable. The grace is a sort of feedback loop to ensure it still gets done, or that we will keep such and such in mind the next time this happens (like not commenting on a friend’s haircut… it’s okay! You can mention how you noticed next time you see her. Now make sure you go over on Friday like you promised!). This loop, though, isn’t filled with self-denigrating thoughts or self-demeaning repetitions, rather allows for a plan forward and a lesson learned. 

Why should I be nice to myself?

Why wouldn’t you be? The pressures of this fast paced life, especially in parts of the U.S., can wear on us mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Life can be hard and there will be plenty of obstacles and difficulties in our paths. We need every ally we can get, so be a good friend to yourself and be forgiving. If it’s a particular behavior that happens over and over again there is always room for additional help. Look, not only is life difficult, sometimes being in our own heads is difficult. For some of us, this positive self-talk will be easy with a few weeks to a few months of practice. For others, this may be near impossible, but it isn’t impossible… give yourself that grace, and understand that it’s okay to ask for help. 

With the rate of life increasing every day it can be easy to forget about ourselves even when taking care of ourselves physically and spiritually. Remember, you need every ally you can get in this world, start with yourself, be forgiving of yourself and you’ll find it’s easier to be forgiving of others when they mess up too. That’s another benefit of this self-care route of self-grace, you will find it easier to be kinder to others, or find ways to let them forgive themselves through your kindness. 

You can find all of this and more in my newly edited version of James Allen’s As a Man Thinketh that I updated with a modern translation, We Begin with Our Thoughts. Get your copy today on Amazon!

Thanks for reading,